THINGS I HATE
Waiting
Gossips
Being vague and elusive
Stupidity
Having to explain
Karaoke
My office computer
Soft toys
Spring cleaning
Being feminine
Passing messages
Self-introduction
Getting appraised at work
Rules and regulations
Fishing
Pork, duck, frog's legs, bittergourd, sea cucumbers, shark's fin
Fresh milk, almond milk, cereals, horlicks, ovaltine
Mint chocolates, vanilla ice cream, cinnamon rolls
Beetle Juice cartoon character
Teenagers
My system manager
Writing resumes and attending interviews
Competitions
Local tv drama series
Procastination
Window-shopping
Yes, I'm a difficult person to get along with. Be warned.
Friday, August 27, 2004
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
GROUNDED
Can't believe I have been slogging away for the past two weeks. Staying late in office - replying emails and installing software into machines. We're talking about 100 computers, not forgetting a new server.
Thanks to an extra income generated from dunno-where, my company decides to close down my lab and expands the other one with carpeted flooring, expensive projectors, new air-cons and flat-screened monitors. Which means extra work for me. Packed my barang-barang into boxes and shifted to a new (big) cubicle, unpacked (i hate this part) followed by days of configurations and software installations into those newbies. Moreover a new term has started, thousands of students flocked into the lab with scheduled tutorials and practicals. Sigh.
It's been a long while since I have this kinda momentum, which is good.. but, I'm lazy by nature! I enjoy going to work in late mornings and end the day with nothing much accomplished. Yeah perhaps its really the right time for me to move on, 4.8 years in this shithole has made me numb of everything, have learned almost everything they can provide me, tired of complaining and possess a devil-may-care attitude towards the management.
Whilst I have been telling people and myself of the possible change, Angela has started it before me! Heck! She will tender her resignation next monday, which is unlike her as she has not secure a new job yet! I'm speechless, and of cos, guilty as charged.
Argh, so much work to clear by this week and I'm still up and awake at this hour!
Time for bed!
Lights out!
Can't believe I have been slogging away for the past two weeks. Staying late in office - replying emails and installing software into machines. We're talking about 100 computers, not forgetting a new server.
Thanks to an extra income generated from dunno-where, my company decides to close down my lab and expands the other one with carpeted flooring, expensive projectors, new air-cons and flat-screened monitors. Which means extra work for me. Packed my barang-barang into boxes and shifted to a new (big) cubicle, unpacked (i hate this part) followed by days of configurations and software installations into those newbies. Moreover a new term has started, thousands of students flocked into the lab with scheduled tutorials and practicals. Sigh.
It's been a long while since I have this kinda momentum, which is good.. but, I'm lazy by nature! I enjoy going to work in late mornings and end the day with nothing much accomplished. Yeah perhaps its really the right time for me to move on, 4.8 years in this shithole has made me numb of everything, have learned almost everything they can provide me, tired of complaining and possess a devil-may-care attitude towards the management.
Whilst I have been telling people and myself of the possible change, Angela has started it before me! Heck! She will tender her resignation next monday, which is unlike her as she has not secure a new job yet! I'm speechless, and of cos, guilty as charged.
Argh, so much work to clear by this week and I'm still up and awake at this hour!
Time for bed!
Lights out!
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
SENDING SIGNALS
Someone asked me a question.
"Why are men always getting physical towards you?"
Now, such a question requires some thoughts. It opens up to two possibilities: its either me or them. Period.
Let's start by assuming it's me who provokes them to do so. Is it because of my mannerism? My behaviour? My attitude? Or, my dressing?
Let me see... I have good manners. I pay for my food, my drinks and my stuff. I dun need men to pamper me in this way. Next, I dun behave like a bimbo. I dun wear skirts/shorts/minis, I always secure myself with bras and I'm not a looker. I'm actually, quite tomboyish in character. Attitude... hmm, I treat male friends like buddies and give hell to sleazebags. So anything provocative about me?
I didn't make them spend so they can touch me for a trade-off, I'm not behaving like a slut and I am just treating them like my buddies!
Yes yes yes I know sometimes I'm friendly towards people I hardly know. Errr, what's wrong with that? It's just socialising. No hidden agenda. And I can communicate better with male species. Dun ask me a big why, it just goes this way. (however, i treat my galfriends so much better! ask them!) AND I dun give any chances to 'slugs' or 'roaches'. I have enough of them in the past! DuUh.
Now then, let's try to poke at the other answer: the men.
Men, to my knowledge, are always 'on the go'. Single, married, divorced, young, old, very old, ugly, normal, handsome... they're still the same: their private parts are exposed beneath their pants, breathing like a fish, day in day out. Which is not difficult to know that it can be quite easy to let the other head rule over their waffled minds. Besides, scientific research has proved that men are easily aroused and stimulated much much (gals, you can add in as many 'much' as you like) faster than women.
Hey, answer is out here.... can you see it? A harmless dance with one of the toads will be too tantalizing for them to practise some self-control. They may even fantasize throughout the whole night when all you did was a pad on the shoulders. How about dinner? Ha, they will start to plan the special 'dessert' well before you get dressed to meet them at the door.
I dun wanna digress anymore. I know what I'm doing. I know when I'm flirting and when I'm not. Heck, I dun even flirt now (ahem, am retiring from the stage) and when guys try to pick me up just because I'm being myself, you people out there, dun be a bitch and point fingers at me. You can say I'm overly friendly/playful/open-minded/easy-going/naughty or watever. But please take note, I have moral values sticking at the back of my head too.
dOh.
Someone asked me a question.
"Why are men always getting physical towards you?"
Now, such a question requires some thoughts. It opens up to two possibilities: its either me or them. Period.
Let's start by assuming it's me who provokes them to do so. Is it because of my mannerism? My behaviour? My attitude? Or, my dressing?
Let me see... I have good manners. I pay for my food, my drinks and my stuff. I dun need men to pamper me in this way. Next, I dun behave like a bimbo. I dun wear skirts/shorts/minis, I always secure myself with bras and I'm not a looker. I'm actually, quite tomboyish in character. Attitude... hmm, I treat male friends like buddies and give hell to sleazebags. So anything provocative about me?
I didn't make them spend so they can touch me for a trade-off, I'm not behaving like a slut and I am just treating them like my buddies!
Yes yes yes I know sometimes I'm friendly towards people I hardly know. Errr, what's wrong with that? It's just socialising. No hidden agenda. And I can communicate better with male species. Dun ask me a big why, it just goes this way. (however, i treat my galfriends so much better! ask them!) AND I dun give any chances to 'slugs' or 'roaches'. I have enough of them in the past! DuUh.
Now then, let's try to poke at the other answer: the men.
Men, to my knowledge, are always 'on the go'. Single, married, divorced, young, old, very old, ugly, normal, handsome... they're still the same: their private parts are exposed beneath their pants, breathing like a fish, day in day out. Which is not difficult to know that it can be quite easy to let the other head rule over their waffled minds. Besides, scientific research has proved that men are easily aroused and stimulated much much (gals, you can add in as many 'much' as you like) faster than women.
Hey, answer is out here.... can you see it? A harmless dance with one of the toads will be too tantalizing for them to practise some self-control. They may even fantasize throughout the whole night when all you did was a pad on the shoulders. How about dinner? Ha, they will start to plan the special 'dessert' well before you get dressed to meet them at the door.
I dun wanna digress anymore. I know what I'm doing. I know when I'm flirting and when I'm not. Heck, I dun even flirt now (ahem, am retiring from the stage) and when guys try to pick me up just because I'm being myself, you people out there, dun be a bitch and point fingers at me. You can say I'm overly friendly/playful/open-minded/easy-going/naughty or watever. But please take note, I have moral values sticking at the back of my head too.
dOh.
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
OVER THE LONG WEEKEND...
Books Read - Milan Kundera's Farewell Waltz and Slowness
Couldn't stop reading Farewell Waltz till the very last page. Milanku is so good in portraying individual thoughts and make readers reflect upon themselves by each of the roles he undertook in the story. It's amazing. But I still like his 'Unbearable Lightness of Being' :D
Movies Watched - Collateral
Starring Tom Cruise, Jamie Fox and Wasaname (Will Smith's wife). Not a fantastic plot but cinematography is above average. The direction of the whole film is well-thought, and artistically carried out. Though Tom Cruise played a major role, I would like to rank this film as a near-to-indie category. Dialogue was attempted to be quirky but at some scenes, it tried too hard. Overall, don't expect two hours of actions.
Places - Concert, Dbl-O
Mike has tickets to Zhang SanWei and Wilbur Pan's concert in indoor stadium. Since I never been to a concert before, I decided to experience the thudthumping. Ermm, turned out that I felt like an oddball among the youngsters waving luminous sticks, shaking beanie cans and self-made banners. They are the groupies! My ears were tested to the max that night and I ended it by leaving the place before half time.
Dbl-o. My next destination. Sigh, same shit different day. Seems to become my weekend home. DUH!
In the end? Three full days for me to sleep but I just threw it away. Still have puffy eyes, dark circles and you won't even get to see my face in the morning train every morning: either I'm late as usual or I will be sleeping my whole journey thru' with head drooping low.
(didn't get to enjoy my deserving sea breeze too...)
Books Read - Milan Kundera's Farewell Waltz and Slowness
Couldn't stop reading Farewell Waltz till the very last page. Milanku is so good in portraying individual thoughts and make readers reflect upon themselves by each of the roles he undertook in the story. It's amazing. But I still like his 'Unbearable Lightness of Being' :D
Movies Watched - Collateral
Starring Tom Cruise, Jamie Fox and Wasaname (Will Smith's wife). Not a fantastic plot but cinematography is above average. The direction of the whole film is well-thought, and artistically carried out. Though Tom Cruise played a major role, I would like to rank this film as a near-to-indie category. Dialogue was attempted to be quirky but at some scenes, it tried too hard. Overall, don't expect two hours of actions.
Places - Concert, Dbl-O
Mike has tickets to Zhang SanWei and Wilbur Pan's concert in indoor stadium. Since I never been to a concert before, I decided to experience the thudthumping. Ermm, turned out that I felt like an oddball among the youngsters waving luminous sticks, shaking beanie cans and self-made banners. They are the groupies! My ears were tested to the max that night and I ended it by leaving the place before half time.
Dbl-o. My next destination. Sigh, same shit different day. Seems to become my weekend home. DUH!
In the end? Three full days for me to sleep but I just threw it away. Still have puffy eyes, dark circles and you won't even get to see my face in the morning train every morning: either I'm late as usual or I will be sleeping my whole journey thru' with head drooping low.
(didn't get to enjoy my deserving sea breeze too...)
Friday, August 06, 2004
SHORT-TAKE
I know the contents of my previous entry were full of sad tones. Well, I'm a-okay now. Emotions settled in and feeling calm. Finally, I have found out where our problem lies in. The point of realization helped to gain my composure back. I am beginning to smile a little now, getting to my usual self bit by bit. It's also partly because he has started to sms and call me again. *sheepish grin* This time round, it was amiable and positive. I guess that depressing conversation did played a good part. For now, both of us will need some time to think it over and most importantly, meet to talk it out. This is no easy feat, since we stay in different countries.
Ah well, the trouble with love is... it's so unpredictable (but that's the wonder of love too, isn't it?)
It might be a blessing that I'm currently bogged down by mountainous work load, tight deadlines and endless meetings with vendors. And I just heard a piece of bad news from Karan. It's regarding the biz venture I joined not too long ago. There's a 'policy' which was not told by our premier previously and it totally threw us off the chairs. This stupid rule gonna make my life hard, cos it's like a deadline! Argh. Clearly, no slacking is allowed when you're encouraged to make money!
Right now, I'm strung out with so many tight wires... be it work, biz and relationship.. sigh, do need a break. And I miss the sea breeze caressing my face.
TGIF!
I know the contents of my previous entry were full of sad tones. Well, I'm a-okay now. Emotions settled in and feeling calm. Finally, I have found out where our problem lies in. The point of realization helped to gain my composure back. I am beginning to smile a little now, getting to my usual self bit by bit. It's also partly because he has started to sms and call me again. *sheepish grin* This time round, it was amiable and positive. I guess that depressing conversation did played a good part. For now, both of us will need some time to think it over and most importantly, meet to talk it out. This is no easy feat, since we stay in different countries.
Ah well, the trouble with love is... it's so unpredictable (but that's the wonder of love too, isn't it?)
It might be a blessing that I'm currently bogged down by mountainous work load, tight deadlines and endless meetings with vendors. And I just heard a piece of bad news from Karan. It's regarding the biz venture I joined not too long ago. There's a 'policy' which was not told by our premier previously and it totally threw us off the chairs. This stupid rule gonna make my life hard, cos it's like a deadline! Argh. Clearly, no slacking is allowed when you're encouraged to make money!
Right now, I'm strung out with so many tight wires... be it work, biz and relationship.. sigh, do need a break. And I miss the sea breeze caressing my face.
TGIF!
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
HOLLOW
Last night, I cried again. Couldn't sleep for the past two weeks. Felt so helpless with myself.. I sought solace from my sister in Oz. I cried louder when I read every of her sms replies.
Menses came again. It's barely two weeks since it stopped. Cramps are troubling me, it's much worse than before.
I dunno what's happening to me.
Just had a talk with him on the phone. It has been three weeks since I heard his voice. We TALKED. But it was depressing. And I sobbed. I hate to cry, especially in front of him. Tears, is regarded as a sign of weakness. I dun like to show them to gain sympathy. But still, I wept. Sadness is something you can't control, it breeds, it shadows you, it lives in you..as long as you invite it into your soul.
My world, at this very moment, is crumbling. I'm suffering from depression and I dunno which causes it.
Wish I'm mad. Lunatics enjoy a warped world much better than mine.
Last night, I cried again. Couldn't sleep for the past two weeks. Felt so helpless with myself.. I sought solace from my sister in Oz. I cried louder when I read every of her sms replies.
Menses came again. It's barely two weeks since it stopped. Cramps are troubling me, it's much worse than before.
I dunno what's happening to me.
Just had a talk with him on the phone. It has been three weeks since I heard his voice. We TALKED. But it was depressing. And I sobbed. I hate to cry, especially in front of him. Tears, is regarded as a sign of weakness. I dun like to show them to gain sympathy. But still, I wept. Sadness is something you can't control, it breeds, it shadows you, it lives in you..as long as you invite it into your soul.
My world, at this very moment, is crumbling. I'm suffering from depression and I dunno which causes it.
Wish I'm mad. Lunatics enjoy a warped world much better than mine.
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