Great Couple Meme

I stole this from Su Ann >> http://quaintly.net/2008/12/16/the-great-couple-meme/

I read it few months ago and thought it would be great if I ask Clifford to answer the questions.

Knowing him, I didn't. Cos he would not answer with so many questions that appear attention-grabbing to public.

Anyway, after few months of hesitation and a new deadline, I sent it to him on Tuesday. No reply. He opened his Gmail but still, no response. Unable to wait, I emailed him again... only to receive explosive outbursts. He came home, greatly misunderstood my parcel (another trivial matter) and brought up the Meme with no relevance.

WTF.

I cried while eating the seafood kway teow. And escaped to bedroom.

After few hours when he was asleep I crept down to read his answers. I laughed. I cried. I sobbed and I drank more Glendfiddich.

Here's what he wrote and what I replied to his:
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From: Clifford 
To: agnes ng
Sent: Thu, December 16, 2010 11:09:20 PM
Subject: Re: FYA: The Great Couple Meme
My awfully honest answers..

On Wed, Dec 15, 2010 at 7:39 PM, agnes ng wrote:

Please oblige by completing this meme for me? We'll then exchange answers :)

Be honest, be awfully honest!

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• tell us about the first time you met and your first impression of him/her: quirky, jumpy & fiesty
• what’s a weird habit or quirk that s/he has?: picking her toe nail
• what makes him/her happy?: stable living
• what makes him/her sad?: lies
• what makes him/her angry?: lies
• what excites him/her? travelling and discover new things
• tell us something funny about him/her: horrible sense of direction
• what’s s/he like at home?: focus and neurotic
• what’s s/he like at work/school?: focus and multitasking at the same time
• describe his/her room: like to be neat / near OCD
• what’s his/her best friend like?: same thinking
• do you know who s/he hates the most?: yes
• have you met his/her exes?: no
• do his/her parents like you?: yes
• what’s the first thing s/he would do or say if s/he fell down and scraped their knee: laugh, 'is it painful?'
• what would s/he do in an emergency situation with other people involved?: Trying to figure out who to call during emergency
• which shop would s/he spend the most time at in a shopping mall?: Watson / SASA
• what would s/he have for a typical breakfast?: No breakfast, strictly coffee
• where would s/he want to go for dinner?: Take-away or skip dinner
• what kind of movie would s/he choose at the cinema?: horror/thriller flick
• describe his/her taste in music: Jazzy/ambience/classical symphony orchestra
• if s/he wasnt going out with you, who would s/he be going out with?: dont know
• what item in his/her wardrobe would you like to burn: oversized tops
• what is s/he good at?: creativity
• what is s/he totally horrible at?: time management
• what’s something about him/her that is annoying/infuriating?: time management and bad talking after heavy drinking
• what’s something that you two fundamentally disagree on?: money
• what’s something that you two agree whole-heartedly on?:travel and cats
• is s/he possessive?:yes
• why would s/he succeed in life?: determination and persistent
• what is the coolest gift that s/he has ever given you?: My first PDA
• what is s/he obsessed with?: Nail polish and hairsprays
• what does s/he avoid at all costs?: anything to do with lizards
• what does s/he spend the most money on?: cosmetics
• describe his/her typical sunday: Homely
• why would s/he be dangerous?: Easily influenced 
• tell us about a time s/he looked absolutely gorgeous: dinner gown
• what’s something about him/her that would surprise all of his/her friends?: Coming early or arrived on time for appointment
• what do you love most about him/her?: Her Jumpiness and being true to herself
• the biggest lesson you have learnt from loving your partner: Not to lie and tell the truth

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Okay here's mine:

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From: agnes ng
To: Clifford 
Sent: Fri, December 17, 2010 2:18:28 AM
Subject: Re: FYA: The Great Couple Meme

Hi Clifford,

Thank you, it means a lot to me. Something I'll cherish for a long time.

But you got some wrong.. I'm not into classical symphony orchestra. I like Jazz :)

I don't think I'm easily influenced especially on matters of the heart. Lastly, am not creative at all.

Anyway, here's my answers.

• tell us about the first time you met and your first impression of him/her

Met him at Subang when we were still part of Bangsarmamak IRC group. He reminded me of a mat rempit with aaron kok's hair, excessive smoking yet awfully shy when girls talked to him :)

• what’s a weird habit or quirk that s/he has?:

Rubbing his armpits, smell the fingers then looked at me hoping for a reaction.

• what makes him/her happy?:

Money

• what makes him/her sad?: 

No money and when his friends ditched him

• what makes him/her angry?: 

When I threw fits at him. That was his angriest moment. Because he felt misunderstood. Oh wait. He was really angry when he got to know his sister eloped to South Korea and he wasn't able to tell his father about it. He looked really sad, super mad and anguished.

• what excites him/her? 

Travelling and photography. Not to forget anything that's related to IT gadgets.

• tell us something funny about him/her: 

It was funny at first - when he was hungry he would be very sulky to the point of being super-grumpy. Then he would be all cheerful while eating. The funniest part? He likes to imitate the boxers and threw empty punches while watching.

• what’s s/he like at home?: 

Tired and sleepy. More so after meals. Most of the time.

• what’s s/he like at work/school?:

Very dedicated. He can sacrifice his personal time to fulfill work requirements.

• describe his/her room: 

VERY MESSY & SLOPPY! All the dirty clothes lying around, 6mths old of clothes in the luggage, bits and pieces that don't belong to wardrobe room or master bedroom can be found there.. from coins, useless papers (toll receipts or marts' receipts) to handphones (yes he has a lot of handphones wtf)

• what’s his/her best friend like?: 

Smart/Intelligent, easy going and sociable

• do you know who s/he hates the most?:

He never hate people, he just dislikes. But, maybe he hates his boss :)

• have you met his/her exes?: 

No, but I've seen the pictures of his ex-es

• do his/her parents like you?: 

I think so? His mom gave me a dinner bag and his dad is like a mentor to me. I love his dad a lot.

• what’s the first thing s/he would do or say if s/he fell down and scraped their knee: 

Clifford, this is about the reaction when I fell down lah.

Anyway, if he fell down and scraped his knee, the first thing is, "Awww, FUCK" Grimaces followed by, "Awwww.. PAINFUL!!"

• what would s/he do in an emergency situation with other people involved?: 

Very quiet but will try to lead if no one else knows what to do.

• which shop would s/he spend the most time at in a shopping mall?:

Certain shops in Lowyat, poring over IT stuff and games. Then excitedly tell me how cheap they are, after that went to Starbucks to contemplate for 30 min before going back alone to purchase them happily.

• what would s/he have for a typical breakfast?: 

No breakfast. Nescafe milk coffee in a can (the one that's minty) will be sufficient. But he will take more than 2 to stay awake in the morning.

• where would s/he want to go for dinner?: 

Any shop that serves rice. He loves Bat Kut Teh for supper.

• what kind of movie would s/he choose at the cinema?: 

At the cinema? Dramas, thrillers, Harry Potter series and Sci-Fi. Absolutely no horror flicks, more so if it's in 3D.

• describe his/her taste in music: 

Rock, Old school, Alternatives, Old school malay love songs. I remember his favorites are Motley Crue and Linkin Park.

• if s/he wasnt going out with you, who would s/he be going out with?:

Someone very intelligent, street-wise, share the same interests with him and with longer hair (than mine). His old idol is Christy Turlington, he was so into it that he made her picture as the desktop wallpaper for few years! He admires slim, sophisticated women with long hair, I suppose.

• what item in his/her wardrobe would you like to burn: 

Okay there's this old baggy khaki bermudas he always wear to tapau food nearby.. and his old boxers that are torn in most places yet he loves to wear them around...

• what is s/he good at?: 

Being the mediator and a friend in need :)

• what is s/he totally horrible at?: 

Finance management (though improving) and prioritizing his life goals.

• what’s something about him/her that is annoying/infuriating?: 

Being intolerant to my friends who are silly. Obliging to me and giving empty promises.

• what’s something that you two fundamentally disagree on?: 

Finance management and lifestyle.

• what’s something that you two agree whole-heartedly on?:

Travelling and work-related matters.

• is s/he possessive?:

Sadly he's not (recently).

• why would s/he succeed in life?: 

Hardworking, dedicated and being a people-oriented person. He can go far by his social skills and being so amiable and well-liked that everyone will listen to him :)

• what is the coolest gift that s/he has ever given you?: 

The wonderful, beautiful Holland roses he bought me during one of the Valentine's Day in Singapore. He gave it to the waiter in the restaurant and presented it to me with his eyes shining yet his expression was one of a worried kind. I was so awed and touched.. though I always scolded him not to spend money on flowers during V Day, That big bouquet blew me away. It was 8 years ago and I still remember vividly. Compared to the fake plastic perfume rose he bought me the previous year, the bouquet of roses was like a big sweep off my feet!

• what is s/he obsessed with?: 

iPad, Canon camera, lens and car kits (rims, tyres, stereo players etc etc)

• what does s/he avoid at all costs?:

No insects and reptiles he will be afraid of. He doesn't like cockroaches but he's not afraid. He'll avoid boring people, pretentious people, useless people and maybe neurotic people :P

• what does s/he spend the most money on?: 

What else? Camera lens. Last time he splurged on handphones but now it's purely camera kits!

• describe his/her typical sunday: 

Lazy, sleepy, homely and relaxed. I love him at that best :)

• why would s/he be dangerous?: 

Easily influenced too. But he's most dangerous when he's drunk - all the truth came out. Also when he was really mad, he could punch a hole on the concrete wall using house keys!

• tell us about a time s/he looked absolutely gorgeous: 

Whenever he wore the All Blacks jersey sent my heart fluttering. Paired with bermudas and white Birkenstocks, it's the type I would love to go out with. Casual, sexy and relaxed.

• what’s something about him/her that would surprise all of his/her friends?: 

Downing 12 tequila + stout shots and able to stand straight for the next hour.

• what do you love most about him/her?:

Being kind, accommodating, generous, pet-loving and sociable.

• the biggest lesson you have learnt from loving your partner:

Patience is a virtue, not a habit. 

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I will treasure it always. Whenever I think of him, I'll look at the Meme and sigh :)

感觉

我觉得就这样算了吧。看起来大家都累了。

这么多的不愈快，如过再撑下去结果会很难看。

爱一个人是那么地困难，不爱又那么地痛苦。我说过，如果他不开心那我走吧。

在一起以经十一年了，我们还是不了解对方。拖了那么久，我想应该有个了结。

对不起。

SOBER UP? MAYBE.

Do you know? Do you know?

Do you know at all?

How my life spiral down to neverending mess?

I love a man called Clifford. I love him for all of my 11 years. Never falter even when I was at my most vulnerable moment. He left me for a younger intellectual woman two years ago. In the end he turned back, and I accepted. At that time I was at my world's end. I was literally flung to the pit and sinking with no restraints. I love him. We gave it a chance.

We had the 3rd honeymoon period, despite not going anywhere on our own, we had the best of the sweetest days after patching back. It ended without expecting for the worst. We resumed back to mundane life and I was happy, albeit the chunk of jealousy and deep suspicion he will leave me again. Though the days were not passed without a single speck of doubt from me, we were happy. Or I should say, I was happy.

Now, I am in great despair.

We had a brief discussion before. Never ended with any definite opinion from him. But today I got what I wanted. I received his full attention and his honest opinion. Because of the house he bought, given this as the main reason, I am advised to head back to Singapore to extend my PR and save money. The "best" part is, I am to save enough money to reduce the renovation loan AND TO HELP PAY THE MONTHLY HOUSE LOAN INSTALLMENT. On top of that, we both know I have to pay a monthly of RM2000 for Singapore flat and household expenditure.

GREAT. FANTASTIC.

Except I am under tremendous stress from my family to meet the "target" and to ensure no delays occurred for the payments. And to top it off, I have to endure back the life which I detested which will help pay off the Malaysia house WITH the renovation loan.

Before that, it was only a huge chunk of money to pay my Singapore flat. Now, I have to brace myself to pay a very big chunk of money for Malaysia house after 3-4 years. Two house loans with renovation loan. Am I born to be indebted to the banks?

First of all, I was sad that he asked me to go back to Singapore in order not to lose my PR status. Fine, I reckon perhaps it's important. But if I am to commit to my Malaysia house and for my future happiness, I might as well give up my SG PR now. No. He said it's the best time for me to save money for the house and I can have more money since my CPF can pay off the Singapore house loan.

Despite my misgivings of leading back a lonely life in Singapore, despite leading back a dull working life in Singapore, I know this will come and bite my ass. Which is coming very soon. What I did not foresee, was how he asked me to go back without second thoughts. Perhaps he did think about it himself before today, but he also said, "we all need to sacrifice for better future". Is it a good reason? Perhaps. But with all the past trauma coupled with thousands of lies discovered within 30 days, I find it hard to accept.

I am hard to forget and forgive. But I know when a person is tired of me.

With the assumption, I cried after he was soundly asleep. I cried my eyes out, I dug my heart out and tears flowed with loud wailing. I am deeply saddened to accept that I have to leave my Malaysia life behind me. I feel very disheartened to go backwards in the 11 yr of relationship again; back to long-distance's and no marriage, no nothing. Seriously nothing. Our relationship has not progressed ever since, and we are now moving back to a long period of phone calls and occasional visits. He was not disturbed but I am.

Do you know?

Do you really know?

Eleven years with ups and many downs. Not only are we now slapped with countless of debts, we are not even near to our own happiness goals. Moving back while retaining the relationship is like a cool-off period but in all practicality, it's to "save money for better future".

First of all, our emotion-connection. I would say it's close to fragile state. A single off-handled remark about his torn boxers to buying new ones set off his displeasure and defensive sentence of "I didn't even ask you to throw your panties away". WTH? Do couples with 11 years together react like that? By standard, NO.

Secondly, we didn't have "it" for 4 months. And it's counting. Last time I was given the impression he would only want it when he was induced with alcohol. It appeared to be true till 6 months ago. I sounded once and he gave it a go. After that, NONE. Till now, NONE. I am a born-again virgin. I foresee myself to be a virgin for the next few years.

Thirdly, with all the pressure of saving money for better future, he wants to buy a three-seater sofa from Ikea. Ektorp series per say. Which costs a minimum of RM899 but knowing his standard, he will opt for RM1199 with better fabric. Now, the best part is him asking me to use the Ikea card to pay so we can ease off the bulk payment and just do a self-induced monthly installment till it's cleared. From my past experiences, he never pay the installment on time unless I asked him to. What is the logic now?

HE IS TAKING ADVANTAGE OF ME, ISN'T HE?

In a way, he knows I am aware of this. On and off he will help out on the expenses and he will sound it out. I don't mind. Seriously I don't mind. BUT not when we are on the hot spot to save money for BETTER FUTURE but getting an off-budget sofa for 3 yrs lifespan which will be shortened to 1 year max with our cats around, is totally illogical!

Shall I also add that he has extra money now, that he can spend on the sofa with me paying my share after 20th December but he wanted me to pay with credit card?!

After sobbing, I acknowledged my stupidity. I shall not yield anymore - which was what I said to myself many times before. But I am so stressed with the debts that I really cannot give in anymore. My credit card is about to max out (RM14K max) and I have problem paying bits per month, which is more so to him, wtf should I use the card again!!!!

Give me love, I'll soften. Give me much needed intimacy so I'll know you need me and I'll disregard the above. I'm a woman, I want these things to happen. So much more after our saga. But where is it? WHERE IS IT?

In the end, I realize you only need me as a safety net. A place called Home.

But that's not what I seek for a man.