New calendars, fresh page, chapters waiting to be turned, experiences to be gained and learned.. it's a bloody new year.
Refreshing? My arse, smell my fart please.
I want to turn back the time and go through the whole of 2005 again, and again and again. Especially to improve my time management skills, in order to spend more time with my family and amabel, my cousin.
She left for states late last night.
Another region, bloody thousand miles away from me.
With no plans to return.
Against everyone's wish, the departure was teary and heartbreaking.Actually she started to cry when we were in QBar on 31st Dec 05, and I followed suit by dropping few big tears inside the pub. That night it was emo over amo.
And on the first day of 2006, we had to send her off late at night. She was edgy with quick smiles. I was prepared for a friendly farewell but the moment she wailed, tears welled up my eyes and my face was all wet when she made the final goodbye and exited out of my sight.
Everyone was red on the face.
How could we not, when all we have now are dark clouds and shadows without her beams of rays. She's always positive, obliging, inquisitive and full of imagination. Not to mention a very engaging, sociable and cheeky gal. Now, without her I feel terribly lost.. and horribly miserable.
I thought I could handle it. But I still get emotional whenever I think about you. I was afraid to cry, afraid to show my sadness in the public.. even in front of you. But I let out at the last moment and I want you to know that my heart is breaking over and over again.
I'm sorry there were times I was mad at you for small issues. I'm sorry I scolded you when you were 12 years old - greatly traumatized and you avoided me for so many years. I'm sorry if I made you feel like a kid or even made snide remarks at you.
I'm aware of how you feel, any tiniest emotions flashed across your face never escape my eyes but most of the times I refuse to acknowledge them because I am selfish-selfish-selfish..
Now that you're gone, words are just words..
Cliff said you'll be back, definitely, you'll come back.
I hope so........
*I MISS U*