AFTERWORD

I wrote it on 2nd October 2008, hours before we had the talk. He had same thinking and that was how we ended our 9 years' relationship.

...

How long can our love last without causing pain to each other?
When we develop negativities in our minds, we lost sight of the important thing in our lives. As I said before, perhaps love has dissipated long ago. What we have, what we hold now, could only be fear?

Fear.

We see each other everyday but we don’t talk about love. Our faces are masked with dirt; we have forgotten how to clean our faces and thus losing focus on our very own relationship.

Nine years is not an eternity. We are only afraid of losing the memories, the things we used to cherish and bond together.

Now that we have come to this stage, how do we move forward in our lives? We need to rebuild and rediscover ourselves in order to gain self-respect, self-trust, honesty and integrity. With much sadness in my heart, I believe this has to be done with us being apart.

Leaving.

Our story is not unwritten. When there’s prologue, there will be epilogue. Our tears wet the pages, our anger tore the paragraphs and our love defined every word. We are afraid to write the last chapter, which should have been written many years ago. If there’s no ending, there won’t be any new beginnings.

Renew.

We will be better people in the future. I have learnt so much from this; it’s hard to recount back all the experiences we had shared because it’s still painful to be nostalgic. When we have advanced deeper into our own lives, our past will look beautiful. A tinge of longing will remain but it will be verve of bittersweet taste that brings on a smile. I hope to see that in both of us.

LET GO

I asked for space but he found another woman. Maybe this is the space he’s giving me. He tells lies after lies, coating me with promises and love. When I look back, maybe it’s time to move forward.

This love is withering; perhaps it has died long ago.

When I cannot believe words he said, trust has vanished into thin air. It’s painful to know he spent time with her and forgotten my presence. Time will heal my wounds but it will never remove the nightmares playing their scenes over and over in my head.

I’m leaving, emotionally and physically. To be alone without feeling loneliness. Or can I feel anymore? Perhaps not.

My door is locked. Never again to allow any pain to penetrate through.


Poem from Sharon Au's blog;
I will smile again, but it'll be after dark clouds have lifted from my sky.

Smile though your heart is aching
smile even though it’s breaking
when there are clouds in the sky you’ll get by
if you smile through your fear and sorrow
smile and maybe tomorrow
you’ll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
hide every trace of sadness
although a tear may be ever so near
that’s the time you must keep on trying
smile, what’s the use of crying?

You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
if you just smile.