By The River

By the river stood a tree.
A strong solid oak rooted deep.
One day it heard the cry of a wounded sparrow
that had clipped a wing in a vicious fight.
The predators of the night were circling below.
Looking for prey.
The solid oak reached down with a branch
scooping up his new found friend
carrying her into the safety of the sky.
For days they played.
Until the sparrow's wing healed.
And she tested flight and flew away.
Never to return?
The tree felt sadness.
And then betrayal.
And then incredible shame,
as it realized.
The little sparrow could give nothing
that it hadn't already given.
It was the tree
who was in debt.

Emotions - Destiny's Child

It's over and done
But the heartache lives on inside
And who's the one you're clinging to
Instead of me tonight?

And where are you now, now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You'll never see me fall apart

In the words of a broken heart
It's just emotion taking me over
Caught up in sorrow
Lost in the song
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to hold me tight?
Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

I'm there at your side,
I'm part of all the things you are
But you've got a part of someone else
You've got to find your shining star

And where are you now, now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You'll never see me fall apart

In the words of a broken heart
It's just emotion taking me over
Caught up in sorrow
Lost in the song
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to hold me tight?
Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

AFTERWORD

I wrote it on 2nd October 2008, hours before we had the talk. He had same thinking and that was how we ended our 9 years' relationship.

...

How long can our love last without causing pain to each other?
When we develop negativities in our minds, we lost sight of the important thing in our lives. As I said before, perhaps love has dissipated long ago. What we have, what we hold now, could only be fear?

Fear.

We see each other everyday but we don’t talk about love. Our faces are masked with dirt; we have forgotten how to clean our faces and thus losing focus on our very own relationship.

Nine years is not an eternity. We are only afraid of losing the memories, the things we used to cherish and bond together.

Now that we have come to this stage, how do we move forward in our lives? We need to rebuild and rediscover ourselves in order to gain self-respect, self-trust, honesty and integrity. With much sadness in my heart, I believe this has to be done with us being apart.

Leaving.

Our story is not unwritten. When there’s prologue, there will be epilogue. Our tears wet the pages, our anger tore the paragraphs and our love defined every word. We are afraid to write the last chapter, which should have been written many years ago. If there’s no ending, there won’t be any new beginnings.

Renew.

We will be better people in the future. I have learnt so much from this; it’s hard to recount back all the experiences we had shared because it’s still painful to be nostalgic. When we have advanced deeper into our own lives, our past will look beautiful. A tinge of longing will remain but it will be verve of bittersweet taste that brings on a smile. I hope to see that in both of us.

LET GO

I asked for space but he found another woman. Maybe this is the space he’s giving me. He tells lies after lies, coating me with promises and love. When I look back, maybe it’s time to move forward.

This love is withering; perhaps it has died long ago.

When I cannot believe words he said, trust has vanished into thin air. It’s painful to know he spent time with her and forgotten my presence. Time will heal my wounds but it will never remove the nightmares playing their scenes over and over in my head.

I’m leaving, emotionally and physically. To be alone without feeling loneliness. Or can I feel anymore? Perhaps not.

My door is locked. Never again to allow any pain to penetrate through.


Poem from Sharon Au's blog;
I will smile again, but it'll be after dark clouds have lifted from my sky.

Smile though your heart is aching
smile even though it’s breaking
when there are clouds in the sky you’ll get by
if you smile through your fear and sorrow
smile and maybe tomorrow
you’ll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
hide every trace of sadness
although a tear may be ever so near
that’s the time you must keep on trying
smile, what’s the use of crying?

You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
if you just smile.

MAYBE TOMORROW /stereophonics
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eX3KrXFAsd0

I've been down and
I'm wondering why
These little black clouds
Keep walking around
With me
With me

It wastes time
And I'd rather be high
Think I'll walk me outside
And buy a rainbow smile
But be free
They're all free

So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home

I look around at a beautiful life
Been the upperside of down
Been the inside of out
But we breathe
We breathe

I wanna breeze and an open mind
I wanna swim in the ocean
Wanna take my time for me
All me

So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home

a little depressed.. very much suppressed.. i'm wondering why.