BACKLASH

I am tired.

.. .

Last Friday, there was a cut in my heart. It left a deep gash and refused to heal. It provided me with awakening tremors and I struggled to accept the reality.

My boyfriend is very sociable.
Nothing's wrong with that.
But I have to take the backseat because of it.

It saddens me to feel secondary when he is surrounded by friends.
My emotions took a nosedive when he verbally defended his friends in front of me.
I was told that I did not try hard enough to get aquainted, when he couldn't even see my sincerities and efforts being put to sleep by his friends.
I was told that I did not make myself comfortable in my work environment because I appear as a stuckup bitch, when he did not realise my niceties were being taken for granted.
I was told that he cannot do anything to make me feel better when he is always being kept busy with his friends, be it gatherings, phone conversations, internet chatting etc.
I was told that, I have to learn how to be independent even though I came to this country with little knowledge of what I'm gonna experience, and even though I'm feeling so small and vulnerable.
I was being told, with all the obscenities, as the above.

I dun suppose I have to endure all these.
I'm alone here and I can only depend on the man who doesn't seem to be sensitive to my lonely soul.

Friends, to him, are the untouchables.
Me, to him, is a necessity.
Love, of course, exists between us.
But what is love?