REFRESHED AND RENEWED, I HOPE.
Ever since the saga with Cliff, i have refrained from blogging. In a way it has exposed parts of our private lives to the public, even though I'm okay doesn't mean he's fine with it.
Thus, I have to be careful here.
I'm in Singapore for almost two weeks now and will be departing on 18th evening. Initially I left KL with great reluctance because I will miss my daily routine, but this feeling is mounted due to not knowing what to expect in Singapore.
However I am going to leave this fine city in greater resistance. It's the first time for the past one year I have truly relaxed and feel connected with my family and friends. Not only that, I am starting to appreciate all the things this land offers me. There have been changes among my loved ones and the city.. but I understand time and change co-exist together.
Thoughts are forming incessantly in my mind to move back. There are many issues to settle if I gonna make it happen.. current job, new career, cliff, cats...
I think I'm standing in front of crossroad again :(
Leaving home this friday, bringing additions of happy memories and some regrets that will remain deep in my heart.
Monday, May 08, 2006
GUILT
7th May 2006.
Grumpie passed away. Last I checked, her feet were free from mites but she was losing feathers around the neck. We were preparing to bring her to the vet in the late afternoon but it was too late.
She was such a lovely budgie yet she suffered so much. I neglected her health and my poor knowledge has caused her death. By the time my slow senses came alive that she needed help, her soul took off to heaven.
I'm so sorry, Grumpie. Please forgive your lousy owner.
Hope you're reunited with Starsky, Hutchie and Sushie in rainbow bridge under God's care. And I promise to all of you, my dear budgies, that I will not keep any birds from now on. Nor will I attempt to neglect any of my pets.
Keeping my word in honour.
7th May 2006.
Grumpie passed away. Last I checked, her feet were free from mites but she was losing feathers around the neck. We were preparing to bring her to the vet in the late afternoon but it was too late.
She was such a lovely budgie yet she suffered so much. I neglected her health and my poor knowledge has caused her death. By the time my slow senses came alive that she needed help, her soul took off to heaven.
I'm so sorry, Grumpie. Please forgive your lousy owner.
Hope you're reunited with Starsky, Hutchie and Sushie in rainbow bridge under God's care. And I promise to all of you, my dear budgies, that I will not keep any birds from now on. Nor will I attempt to neglect any of my pets.
Keeping my word in honour.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
A PAIR OF KITTENS
Say hi to Maya and Dewey.
Both of them came from the same parent and they have the same nose :)
Currently isolated from my cats due to lice problem, we keep them in the guest room and play with them whenever we can. Hopefully by end of next week they will be in pink of health and able to roam freely around the house.
Maya
She's the daring one, on the third day we brought them back she tried ways to slip out from the room. Ignoring Aramis, she could zoom out to the stairway before I caught hold of her. We notice that she's born with happy-go-lucky character and loves to cuddle.
Dewey
We're supposed to name him Russ, special request from Adrian. But after few days we figured the name just doesn't suit him so we changed to Dewey. By comparison, this fella is not a risk taker. He wouldn't attempt to do anything and prefers to let Maya take the lead. We can also sense he wants to be the dominant male in the house. Even Stitch is afraid of his growls and hissings.
As for Aramis, he has been spending a lot of time checking them out even though it's through closed door. He would put his paw through the opening and Maya would respond back. It's a good sign because Cliff has the intention to mate them once they reach the matured age. I wonder how their children will look like.. hmmm.
Will post more photos of my pets soon.
Ta!
Say hi to Maya and Dewey.
Both of them came from the same parent and they have the same nose :)
Currently isolated from my cats due to lice problem, we keep them in the guest room and play with them whenever we can. Hopefully by end of next week they will be in pink of health and able to roam freely around the house.
Maya
She's the daring one, on the third day we brought them back she tried ways to slip out from the room. Ignoring Aramis, she could zoom out to the stairway before I caught hold of her. We notice that she's born with happy-go-lucky character and loves to cuddle.
Dewey
We're supposed to name him Russ, special request from Adrian. But after few days we figured the name just doesn't suit him so we changed to Dewey. By comparison, this fella is not a risk taker. He wouldn't attempt to do anything and prefers to let Maya take the lead. We can also sense he wants to be the dominant male in the house. Even Stitch is afraid of his growls and hissings.
As for Aramis, he has been spending a lot of time checking them out even though it's through closed door. He would put his paw through the opening and Maya would respond back. It's a good sign because Cliff has the intention to mate them once they reach the matured age. I wonder how their children will look like.. hmmm.
Will post more photos of my pets soon.
Ta!
Sunday, April 30, 2006
I'D SAY IT'S BAD KHARMA
I survived the weekend with my relatives but I am guilty for not spending more time with mom. I was extremely tired on Friday and Saturday to the point I dozed off while talking to her on the couch. Sunday was good though, but my aunt took a huge chunk of quality time away from me while I had my hair cut and colored in another aunt's salon.
Talking about my hair.. It's been 6 months since I had it trimmed. Needless to say the style and length gone out of play and I took more time to create the best look than ironing my shirts. Therefore, I took the plunge by asking my aunt to snip away my dull hair. Adding an inch of courage I asked for coloring. Cousin pointed to a poster on the wall - the model has lustrious long hair, colored with mahogany and strips of light brown. I was honestly awed by his good choice and went for it. But when the towel lifted off all I could see was a lion's head.
IT'S FREAKING YELLOW!
I contained myself to a perfect score and everyone bought it.. till I reached home and whined to my mom. She maintained that it's unique and fresh. FRESH?! I look like a lalamui! I'm like a flashing beacon for goodness sake! Though the cut is satisfactory but coloring casts me in a total different image. Oh gosh.
AND MY COUSIN STAINED MY MISS SELFRIDGE SHIRT.
argh!!!!
It was the communication. On one hand I insisted on the exact color combination by pointing at the poster, the other hand my cousin told his mom that I wanted brown. Yellow and brown are two different colors!
On the phone I informed Cliff that I made my trip to Susan's Salon. He made a tiny "ah" sound and that was all. Afraid to divulge further I gave him a false impression that all went well, even encouraged him to try it next time since I only paid RM100. Wait till he sees me on Thursday.. weekend would be spending time at home cos he wouldn't want to be seen together with a self-declared blonde. Haha.
Goodbye Ms Coolhead. Sigh.
I survived the weekend with my relatives but I am guilty for not spending more time with mom. I was extremely tired on Friday and Saturday to the point I dozed off while talking to her on the couch. Sunday was good though, but my aunt took a huge chunk of quality time away from me while I had my hair cut and colored in another aunt's salon.
Talking about my hair.. It's been 6 months since I had it trimmed. Needless to say the style and length gone out of play and I took more time to create the best look than ironing my shirts. Therefore, I took the plunge by asking my aunt to snip away my dull hair. Adding an inch of courage I asked for coloring. Cousin pointed to a poster on the wall - the model has lustrious long hair, colored with mahogany and strips of light brown. I was honestly awed by his good choice and went for it. But when the towel lifted off all I could see was a lion's head.
IT'S FREAKING YELLOW!
I contained myself to a perfect score and everyone bought it.. till I reached home and whined to my mom. She maintained that it's unique and fresh. FRESH?! I look like a lalamui! I'm like a flashing beacon for goodness sake! Though the cut is satisfactory but coloring casts me in a total different image. Oh gosh.
AND MY COUSIN STAINED MY MISS SELFRIDGE SHIRT.
argh!!!!
It was the communication. On one hand I insisted on the exact color combination by pointing at the poster, the other hand my cousin told his mom that I wanted brown. Yellow and brown are two different colors!
On the phone I informed Cliff that I made my trip to Susan's Salon. He made a tiny "ah" sound and that was all. Afraid to divulge further I gave him a false impression that all went well, even encouraged him to try it next time since I only paid RM100. Wait till he sees me on Thursday.. weekend would be spending time at home cos he wouldn't want to be seen together with a self-declared blonde. Haha.
Goodbye Ms Coolhead. Sigh.
Thursday, April 27, 2006
RULES OF ENGAGEMENT
Many things happened lately.
Work
After two weeks' deliberation I have finally sent word to agency to renew my contract for another year. I also learnt that instead of seeing it as a recurring stupidity, it might be actually a blessing. Two colleagues were told their services won't be needed in another 2 months' time.
I was shocked. Given their senority I thought the much sought-after FTC will be in their hands without doubts. I guess this assumption adds salt to their wounds.
Family
Mom will be visiting tomorrow. She will be here to keep me company because Cliff will be in Sipadan for 5 days. It was all in good faith and happiness till Mom insisted on visiting relatives for two days.
TWO DAYS! It was unbearable to even think about it that I blurted my concerns without processing through my brains. She didn't call back for a week and when she did, it wasn't a friendly tone. Gosh, tell me about committments and meeting relatives is one of my fear factors!
On another hand, or rather in another country, my sis is battling ugly breakup from her boyfriend. Based on her stories, it's a never-ending drama series that can last for several seasons. First the frequent quarrels, then fights and advanced to police, restraining order, courts. My sis never stop shedding tears from the start till the end of their stormy relationship.
All I can say is.. a good lesson learnt but damn messy to untangle.
Cats
Aramis has grown in length and size but he's still a midget by normal standards. His fur is getting wilder though not fluffy enough. In other words, it looks like he will be having bad hair day for the rest of his life.
Oh.. we have new members, Maya and Dewey! Thanks to Adrian, we adopted them from his neighbour whom has too many cats in their house and they are really bad in taking care of them. Both of them have so many lice and lice-eggs on their bodies that it itches me to talk about it. Had since sent them to the vet and currently being separated from my three brats in another room. This will remain so till they are in the pink of health, or rather, lice-free :)
I will upload their pictures soon. And shall see how I'm gonna get screwed by my mom tomorrow when she sees them.. *gulp*
Many things happened lately.
Work
After two weeks' deliberation I have finally sent word to agency to renew my contract for another year. I also learnt that instead of seeing it as a recurring stupidity, it might be actually a blessing. Two colleagues were told their services won't be needed in another 2 months' time.
I was shocked. Given their senority I thought the much sought-after FTC will be in their hands without doubts. I guess this assumption adds salt to their wounds.
Family
Mom will be visiting tomorrow. She will be here to keep me company because Cliff will be in Sipadan for 5 days. It was all in good faith and happiness till Mom insisted on visiting relatives for two days.
TWO DAYS! It was unbearable to even think about it that I blurted my concerns without processing through my brains. She didn't call back for a week and when she did, it wasn't a friendly tone. Gosh, tell me about committments and meeting relatives is one of my fear factors!
On another hand, or rather in another country, my sis is battling ugly breakup from her boyfriend. Based on her stories, it's a never-ending drama series that can last for several seasons. First the frequent quarrels, then fights and advanced to police, restraining order, courts. My sis never stop shedding tears from the start till the end of their stormy relationship.
All I can say is.. a good lesson learnt but damn messy to untangle.
Cats
Aramis has grown in length and size but he's still a midget by normal standards. His fur is getting wilder though not fluffy enough. In other words, it looks like he will be having bad hair day for the rest of his life.
Oh.. we have new members, Maya and Dewey! Thanks to Adrian, we adopted them from his neighbour whom has too many cats in their house and they are really bad in taking care of them. Both of them have so many lice and lice-eggs on their bodies that it itches me to talk about it. Had since sent them to the vet and currently being separated from my three brats in another room. This will remain so till they are in the pink of health, or rather, lice-free :)
I will upload their pictures soon. And shall see how I'm gonna get screwed by my mom tomorrow when she sees them.. *gulp*
Sunday, March 19, 2006
MY BABIES
Ladies and gentleman, meet Aramis.. the youngest member in the family.
Born on 24th December 2005. Mixed mainecoon-persian (DSLH)
Mild temperament but very naughty. Looked up to Stitch as his brother and regards Tiger as discipline master. Not to forget Grumpie as his constant prey.
Stitch (DSH)
He's currently in heat. Making awful lots of noise, restless and looking sullen since his masters refuse to let him out.
Tiger (DSH)
The ever-wise cat in the house. Always gentle with humans. Cliff's dad even have thoughts to bring him back to KK!
Lastly, our soulful widow, Grumpie, allows us to touch and hold her without much resistance. She's always perched on the apple mirror looking at her own reflection. Loneliness creeps in..
~ I LOVE THEM ALL! MUACKS!
Ladies and gentleman, meet Aramis.. the youngest member in the family.
Born on 24th December 2005. Mixed mainecoon-persian (DSLH)
Mild temperament but very naughty. Looked up to Stitch as his brother and regards Tiger as discipline master. Not to forget Grumpie as his constant prey.
Stitch (DSH)
He's currently in heat. Making awful lots of noise, restless and looking sullen since his masters refuse to let him out.
Tiger (DSH)
The ever-wise cat in the house. Always gentle with humans. Cliff's dad even have thoughts to bring him back to KK!
Lastly, our soulful widow, Grumpie, allows us to touch and hold her without much resistance. She's always perched on the apple mirror looking at her own reflection. Loneliness creeps in..
~ I LOVE THEM ALL! MUACKS!
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
HELLO.. GOODBYE
Starsky passed away last night.
We found his body in the food dish. His eyes were wide-opened and the way it was positioned, seemed to me that Starsky had a sudden death. He was either enjoying his supper or maybe he had fallen from the branch right into the heaps of seeds.
Cliff woke me up during the night to let me have one last look at him. As we squatted there looking at the body resting inside the cage, none of us spoke. Grumpie was still perching on the branch, looking grey. I wonder what was Starsky's last words to her.
I can't understand why he died, all along he seems to be a figher among the budgies we bought to replace his partner. But when Jas blurted that it could be the attack of bird flu, I was motified.. because I'm having a slight flu right now :-/
Can't help feeling bitter-sweet. Two days ago we have welcomed the arrival of our cute kitten, Aramis.. the very next day Mr Starsky departed this world to reach for the stars.
Sigh.
Starsky passed away last night.
We found his body in the food dish. His eyes were wide-opened and the way it was positioned, seemed to me that Starsky had a sudden death. He was either enjoying his supper or maybe he had fallen from the branch right into the heaps of seeds.
Cliff woke me up during the night to let me have one last look at him. As we squatted there looking at the body resting inside the cage, none of us spoke. Grumpie was still perching on the branch, looking grey. I wonder what was Starsky's last words to her.
I can't understand why he died, all along he seems to be a figher among the budgies we bought to replace his partner. But when Jas blurted that it could be the attack of bird flu, I was motified.. because I'm having a slight flu right now :-/
Can't help feeling bitter-sweet. Two days ago we have welcomed the arrival of our cute kitten, Aramis.. the very next day Mr Starsky departed this world to reach for the stars.
Sigh.
Monday, January 02, 2006
FLY AWAY
New calendars, fresh page, chapters waiting to be turned, experiences to be gained and learned.. it's a bloody new year.
Refreshing? My arse, smell my fart please.
I want to turn back the time and go through the whole of 2005 again, and again and again. Especially to improve my time management skills, in order to spend more time with my family and amabel, my cousin.
She left for states late last night.
Another region, bloody thousand miles away from me.
With no plans to return.
Against everyone's wish, the departure was teary and heartbreaking.
Actually she started to cry when we were in QBar on 31st Dec 05, and I followed suit by dropping few big tears inside the pub. That night it was emo over amo.
And on the first day of 2006, we had to send her off late at night. She was edgy with quick smiles. I was prepared for a friendly farewell but the moment she wailed, tears welled up my eyes and my face was all wet when she made the final goodbye and exited out of my sight.
Everyone was red on the face.
How could we not, when all we have now are dark clouds and shadows without her beams of rays. She's always positive, obliging, inquisitive and full of imagination. Not to mention a very engaging, sociable and cheeky gal. Now, without her I feel terribly lost.. and horribly miserable.
I thought I could handle it. But I still get emotional whenever I think about you. I was afraid to cry, afraid to show my sadness in the public.. even in front of you. But I let out at the last moment and I want you to know that my heart is breaking over and over again.
I'm sorry there were times I was mad at you for small issues. I'm sorry I scolded you when you were 12 years old - greatly traumatized and you avoided me for so many years. I'm sorry if I made you feel like a kid or even made snide remarks at you.
I'm aware of how you feel, any tiniest emotions flashed across your face never escape my eyes but most of the times I refuse to acknowledge them because I am selfish-selfish-selfish..
Now that you're gone, words are just words..
Cliff said you'll be back, definitely, you'll come back.
I hope so........
*I MISS U*
New calendars, fresh page, chapters waiting to be turned, experiences to be gained and learned.. it's a bloody new year.
Refreshing? My arse, smell my fart please.
I want to turn back the time and go through the whole of 2005 again, and again and again. Especially to improve my time management skills, in order to spend more time with my family and amabel, my cousin.
She left for states late last night.
Another region, bloody thousand miles away from me.
With no plans to return.
Against everyone's wish, the departure was teary and heartbreaking.Actually she started to cry when we were in QBar on 31st Dec 05, and I followed suit by dropping few big tears inside the pub. That night it was emo over amo.
And on the first day of 2006, we had to send her off late at night. She was edgy with quick smiles. I was prepared for a friendly farewell but the moment she wailed, tears welled up my eyes and my face was all wet when she made the final goodbye and exited out of my sight.
Everyone was red on the face.
How could we not, when all we have now are dark clouds and shadows without her beams of rays. She's always positive, obliging, inquisitive and full of imagination. Not to mention a very engaging, sociable and cheeky gal. Now, without her I feel terribly lost.. and horribly miserable.
I thought I could handle it. But I still get emotional whenever I think about you. I was afraid to cry, afraid to show my sadness in the public.. even in front of you. But I let out at the last moment and I want you to know that my heart is breaking over and over again.
I'm sorry there were times I was mad at you for small issues. I'm sorry I scolded you when you were 12 years old - greatly traumatized and you avoided me for so many years. I'm sorry if I made you feel like a kid or even made snide remarks at you.
I'm aware of how you feel, any tiniest emotions flashed across your face never escape my eyes but most of the times I refuse to acknowledge them because I am selfish-selfish-selfish..
Now that you're gone, words are just words..
Cliff said you'll be back, definitely, you'll come back.
I hope so........
*I MISS U*
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
HOW'S LIFE?
The diving trip to Pangkor is cancelled.
They changed the date to the weekend that I'm supposed to return home for Christmas and I chose to celebrate this festive season with my family over schools of fish and colorful corals.
I know Cliff is upset; he's taking his time to get over it till Wai Meng proposed the Mabul trip in April. Without any hesitation my fella committed himself by booking the flight for two pax, a decision that wasn't being offered for discussion.
So I HAVE to go; despite the disturbing fact that I'm lacking in proper certification and poor confidence in diving.
Two weeks ago we have resolved our grey area by talking about my lacklustre interest in scuba diving against his. Ever since the Tioman, he has this immense force to dive, dive, dive and achieve great heights to become divemaster, or even diving instructor. My only motivation is to purge away my fear of the great ocean and recently I begin to perceive it as more to doing it for his sake.
We all know how passion drives an individual to change.
Back to where I have started; since Charlie arranged otherwise, Cliff is contented with the Mabul trip that promises great varieties of fish, corals and mountiful dive adventures. I'm still not sure about myself because I'm currently in 'neutral buoyancy'. The only worrying factor is the amount of money that will be spent next year. We are supposed to travel to Korea, climb KK mountain, visit his sister in Germany.. all to be accomplished by July. Then came the proposals of diving in Lang Tengah, Mabul and anywhere that is ranked as dive site. My concern is the diminishing savings in my SG bank that's being used for my SG home maintenance. Once it's all gone I would have to fork out my own salary and send it back on a monthly basis.
The other day he compared about his sister's dowry against my mom's casual suggestion (on my dowry IF we gonna marry) and be it mine or the actual fact, I could sense his slight depression. Yes we all know how much SGD6000 means in ringgit currency. However I have no wish to wear the wedding band anytime now or in the near future. I could tell him, right on that spot, to rest easy and pursue his personal indulgences but somehow words failed me and I left it as that.
Just like what Marwan had asked; to seek life or to make lives - to travel or to try for a baby? I advised him the latter because he's happily married for almost 2 years. But I always wonder if I would have done the same, because my life is full of uncertainities. To-date the only risk I took was leaving my beloved family behind in order to seek a possibility, which has changed my whole world of perspections from the day I live with him. I grew to know myself better and have been gaining a lot more knowledge on couplehood. We're trying to cope with each other's shortcomings.. yet somehow there's a distance between us that can't be bridged across.
To love others, you must first love yourself - I do; but not without doubts.
Life is made up by a sum of all your choices. What are you doing?
The diving trip to Pangkor is cancelled.
They changed the date to the weekend that I'm supposed to return home for Christmas and I chose to celebrate this festive season with my family over schools of fish and colorful corals.
I know Cliff is upset; he's taking his time to get over it till Wai Meng proposed the Mabul trip in April. Without any hesitation my fella committed himself by booking the flight for two pax, a decision that wasn't being offered for discussion.
So I HAVE to go; despite the disturbing fact that I'm lacking in proper certification and poor confidence in diving.
Two weeks ago we have resolved our grey area by talking about my lacklustre interest in scuba diving against his. Ever since the Tioman, he has this immense force to dive, dive, dive and achieve great heights to become divemaster, or even diving instructor. My only motivation is to purge away my fear of the great ocean and recently I begin to perceive it as more to doing it for his sake.
We all know how passion drives an individual to change.
Back to where I have started; since Charlie arranged otherwise, Cliff is contented with the Mabul trip that promises great varieties of fish, corals and mountiful dive adventures. I'm still not sure about myself because I'm currently in 'neutral buoyancy'. The only worrying factor is the amount of money that will be spent next year. We are supposed to travel to Korea, climb KK mountain, visit his sister in Germany.. all to be accomplished by July. Then came the proposals of diving in Lang Tengah, Mabul and anywhere that is ranked as dive site. My concern is the diminishing savings in my SG bank that's being used for my SG home maintenance. Once it's all gone I would have to fork out my own salary and send it back on a monthly basis.
The other day he compared about his sister's dowry against my mom's casual suggestion (on my dowry IF we gonna marry) and be it mine or the actual fact, I could sense his slight depression. Yes we all know how much SGD6000 means in ringgit currency. However I have no wish to wear the wedding band anytime now or in the near future. I could tell him, right on that spot, to rest easy and pursue his personal indulgences but somehow words failed me and I left it as that.
Just like what Marwan had asked; to seek life or to make lives - to travel or to try for a baby? I advised him the latter because he's happily married for almost 2 years. But I always wonder if I would have done the same, because my life is full of uncertainities. To-date the only risk I took was leaving my beloved family behind in order to seek a possibility, which has changed my whole world of perspections from the day I live with him. I grew to know myself better and have been gaining a lot more knowledge on couplehood. We're trying to cope with each other's shortcomings.. yet somehow there's a distance between us that can't be bridged across.
To love others, you must first love yourself - I do; but not without doubts.
Life is made up by a sum of all your choices. What are you doing?
Thursday, November 10, 2005
SHOO
Am in one of those foulfuckin' moods.
I'm sick of soft-packed menthols.
Visibly irritated by citibank's incompetence.
Getting tired of greeting dumb-asses in the office.
Pissed at maggots rubbing michelle's back.
Am hating everything now and I swear I gonna slaughter anyone that steps on my tail.
Watch me.
Am in one of those foulfuckin' moods.
I'm sick of soft-packed menthols.
Visibly irritated by citibank's incompetence.
Getting tired of greeting dumb-asses in the office.
Pissed at maggots rubbing michelle's back.
Am hating everything now and I swear I gonna slaughter anyone that steps on my tail.
Watch me.
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
UPDATES
Bought these recently.. beadybeads... I like them!
She's my cousin and in reality she's a little jappie. Full of energy and bubbles she's never afraid to break the ice. We were in one of my many cousins' wedding (unfortunately it's a shotgun's) and most of us were restless. My jappie started to holler up and down the tables nosily and I managed to snatch her for in-betweens :-)
Monday, October 24, 2005
SPLISH-SPLASH
I'm back without the PADI Open Water certificate.
Instead I was given the PADI Scuba Dive because I couldn't withstand the cold temperature in the water.
What's the difference between these two?
PADI OW gives you the privilege of diving as deep as 18m with a buddy independently whereas PADI SD only allows you to dive to a maximum of 12m with the presence of a divemaster.
It's a shame that I failed to make the mark. However I managed to overcome my phobia and just when I thought I have achieved my personal velocity, my physical disability killed the joy.
I went through all the theories, grasped the general rules and techniques of diving... but it was a different story in confined water. I struggled with my buoyancy and tried my best to control my breathing through the regulator. It's not easy to breathe with your mouth all the time, especially when the air you breathed was limited and artificial. Moreover you were few metres deep underwater with a possibility of drowning, should you screw-up your equipment.
On the first dive, I shivered so badly that breathing started to get irregular and my pee just couldn't release out to warm my body. When we came up, I was given sharp pointers by instructor on how to get it right for the second dive. By then my ears were full of seawater that I couldn't think straight. Blame it on me, as I didn't equalize properly when we descended. The second day I braced myself for the lesson and performed pretty well... until coldness seeped in. I started to shiver and it affected my buoyancy. I guess it irritated Buda (instructor) and he cut short the dive. During the break he politely suggested that I should stop and be certified as PADI Scuba Diver. What can I say? He pointed out that I had hindered the progress of his modules and Clifford was diving like a pro.
So I gave up and Cliff completed the course without a hitch.
Even though I was discouraged/disheartened/disappointed, I congratulated myself on the success of diminishing my phobia. It was a good experience. Looking at the fish at 8m underwater with my mask was like admiring them through an aquarium. I saw jellyfish, sea cucumbers, weird-looking corals, zebrafish, rainbow fish and farms of sea urchins. Though I didn't get to see larger fish I think this is my new beginning. I want to see more, I yearn to swim with the turtles, I wish I can touch anemones...
But I'm still not comfortable in the water world and I have lost huge amount of confidence in diving. I was ostracized by Buda and Drew with fake smiles and cold demeanor. Nothing could describe my feelings during the last two days of my stay. Buda made it worse with his sarcasms and I REALLY DETEST HIM.
In any way, Cliff encourages me to give it another try by engaging Charlie's help. And never again will I return to Buda for the course, this fat botak irks me with his larger-than-life boostings and incessant self-indulgence.
Diving aside, we enjoyed our week's stay in Tioman. We miss the sound of seawaves lapping the shores, the velvety clear blue sea, the beautiful sunsets and lovely cats. We got up close and personal with some of the kuchings and named them as 'Gingerbread', 'ShortBlack', 'TomCat', 'Ginger', 'CactusTail', 'HotMama', 'Blackie'. They occupied most of our free time.. as there isn't any nightlife in Panuba. It's a private beach and reaching to other villages requires sea taxis (inconsistent availiability still perplexes me) or a minimum of an hour's trekking in the dense jungle. In Panuba we also witnessed the appearances of snake and monitor lizard. For city dwellers like me, it was quite an encounter that you can't compare to those in the zoo :)
shortblack and gingerbread
I'm back without the PADI Open Water certificate.
Instead I was given the PADI Scuba Dive because I couldn't withstand the cold temperature in the water.
What's the difference between these two?
PADI OW gives you the privilege of diving as deep as 18m with a buddy independently whereas PADI SD only allows you to dive to a maximum of 12m with the presence of a divemaster.
It's a shame that I failed to make the mark. However I managed to overcome my phobia and just when I thought I have achieved my personal velocity, my physical disability killed the joy.
I went through all the theories, grasped the general rules and techniques of diving... but it was a different story in confined water. I struggled with my buoyancy and tried my best to control my breathing through the regulator. It's not easy to breathe with your mouth all the time, especially when the air you breathed was limited and artificial. Moreover you were few metres deep underwater with a possibility of drowning, should you screw-up your equipment.
On the first dive, I shivered so badly that breathing started to get irregular and my pee just couldn't release out to warm my body. When we came up, I was given sharp pointers by instructor on how to get it right for the second dive. By then my ears were full of seawater that I couldn't think straight. Blame it on me, as I didn't equalize properly when we descended. The second day I braced myself for the lesson and performed pretty well... until coldness seeped in. I started to shiver and it affected my buoyancy. I guess it irritated Buda (instructor) and he cut short the dive. During the break he politely suggested that I should stop and be certified as PADI Scuba Diver. What can I say? He pointed out that I had hindered the progress of his modules and Clifford was diving like a pro.
So I gave up and Cliff completed the course without a hitch.
Even though I was discouraged/disheartened/disappointed, I congratulated myself on the success of diminishing my phobia. It was a good experience. Looking at the fish at 8m underwater with my mask was like admiring them through an aquarium. I saw jellyfish, sea cucumbers, weird-looking corals, zebrafish, rainbow fish and farms of sea urchins. Though I didn't get to see larger fish I think this is my new beginning. I want to see more, I yearn to swim with the turtles, I wish I can touch anemones...
But I'm still not comfortable in the water world and I have lost huge amount of confidence in diving. I was ostracized by Buda and Drew with fake smiles and cold demeanor. Nothing could describe my feelings during the last two days of my stay. Buda made it worse with his sarcasms and I REALLY DETEST HIM.
In any way, Cliff encourages me to give it another try by engaging Charlie's help. And never again will I return to Buda for the course, this fat botak irks me with his larger-than-life boostings and incessant self-indulgence.
Diving aside, we enjoyed our week's stay in Tioman. We miss the sound of seawaves lapping the shores, the velvety clear blue sea, the beautiful sunsets and lovely cats. We got up close and personal with some of the kuchings and named them as 'Gingerbread', 'ShortBlack', 'TomCat', 'Ginger', 'CactusTail', 'HotMama', 'Blackie'. They occupied most of our free time.. as there isn't any nightlife in Panuba. It's a private beach and reaching to other villages requires sea taxis (inconsistent availiability still perplexes me) or a minimum of an hour's trekking in the dense jungle. In Panuba we also witnessed the appearances of snake and monitor lizard. For city dwellers like me, it was quite an encounter that you can't compare to those in the zoo :)
shortblack and gingerbread
In one way or another, the whole diving adventure marred the vacation. But I'm still thankful to be given the chance to explore the underwater world that I'm always afraid of.
Thus, it's...
A for efforts and F for fucked-up certificate
:P
(more photos will be uploaded to online album.. soon)
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Monday, October 03, 2005
SEE NO EVIL/HEAR NO EVIL/SPEAK NO EVIL
It's time to retreat from the dance floors.
I'm painfully aware of the weird looks and disapproving stares from my colleagues. This time it happened in Soda club and I might have crossed the line of modesty.
My colleague was drunk and he targeted me as his dance partner for the whole night. I had a couple of heavy bottoms-up and admittedly, was tipsy. I shouldn't have dirty-danced with those fellas, including that young friend of Mabel's.
Yes, it's disrespectful to Clifford.
(sorry baby, sorry sorry sorry)
He only voiced out when we were on the way to Carrefour.
24 hours after the saga.
Honestly, I thought he was okay with it.
To me, it was only a dance. I had no ulterior motives towards those guys. If you dance well, I will definitely spice things up by countering your sways and jiggers, shake the booties and rock the floor.
Of course I didn't expect the dance partners to over-react by a yard.
i like to see it as being liberal, but this is subjective
So yeah, still, it was my fault for the scenes I had created in front of him.
Maybe I worked too hard and played too little. Whenever a chance comes along for me to mix the music with my soul, I tend to put too much efforts in it.. to the expense of Cliff's feelings.
Maybe I want an identity. I have been feeling shadowed for so long and the inner self starts to surface to prove myself as an individual.
i know it shouldn't be done in this way
Maybe it's just me. I love to dance but most of the time Cliff was mingling with his friends, instead of hitting the dance floors.
I understand my proximity with dance partners was way too close to be comfortable, and it became an eyesore to my colleagues. Team lead was staring, the gals were frowning and guys were bitching about me. And I also know all these will carry forward to the office where stories, likely to be twisted, will spread.. how vampy I was, how slutty I danced and how cheeky I was. It may affect my working relationship with some of them but worrying will do nothing to salvage the current situation.
Let them be. Let me be.
Next time I will keep my maggotmouth tightly shut and refrain from dancing with any of you.
Eclipse of a socialite.
haha.. wtf.
It's time to retreat from the dance floors.
I'm painfully aware of the weird looks and disapproving stares from my colleagues. This time it happened in Soda club and I might have crossed the line of modesty.
My colleague was drunk and he targeted me as his dance partner for the whole night. I had a couple of heavy bottoms-up and admittedly, was tipsy. I shouldn't have dirty-danced with those fellas, including that young friend of Mabel's.
Yes, it's disrespectful to Clifford.
(sorry baby, sorry sorry sorry)
He only voiced out when we were on the way to Carrefour.
24 hours after the saga.
Honestly, I thought he was okay with it.
To me, it was only a dance. I had no ulterior motives towards those guys. If you dance well, I will definitely spice things up by countering your sways and jiggers, shake the booties and rock the floor.
Of course I didn't expect the dance partners to over-react by a yard.
i like to see it as being liberal, but this is subjective
So yeah, still, it was my fault for the scenes I had created in front of him.
Maybe I worked too hard and played too little. Whenever a chance comes along for me to mix the music with my soul, I tend to put too much efforts in it.. to the expense of Cliff's feelings.
Maybe I want an identity. I have been feeling shadowed for so long and the inner self starts to surface to prove myself as an individual.
i know it shouldn't be done in this way
Maybe it's just me. I love to dance but most of the time Cliff was mingling with his friends, instead of hitting the dance floors.
I understand my proximity with dance partners was way too close to be comfortable, and it became an eyesore to my colleagues. Team lead was staring, the gals were frowning and guys were bitching about me. And I also know all these will carry forward to the office where stories, likely to be twisted, will spread.. how vampy I was, how slutty I danced and how cheeky I was. It may affect my working relationship with some of them but worrying will do nothing to salvage the current situation.
Let them be. Let me be.
Next time I will keep my maggotmouth tightly shut and refrain from dancing with any of you.
Eclipse of a socialite.
haha.. wtf.
Saturday, October 01, 2005
ANOTHER RETARD
BtgAriff
emmm hi how are u babe.emmm so bored.let have fun and enjoy toghter.let try my lip to kiss ur both lip.emmm let try my hardnhuge rod come inside u.i love to make u wet and hot.iwant to kiss and lick ur pussy honey.emmm let me rub and kiss ur breaast and ur iti.emmm let ride my hard cock .enjoy it honey.u will love it so much.come to me and have fun toghter
Ain't gonna waste my time.
Absolutely no reply to slugs.
Delete without hesitation.
BtgAriff
emmm hi how are u babe.emmm so bored.let have fun and enjoy toghter.let try my lip to kiss ur both lip.emmm let try my hardnhuge rod come inside u.i love to make u wet and hot.iwant to kiss and lick ur pussy honey.emmm let me rub and kiss ur breaast and ur iti.emmm let ride my hard cock .enjoy it honey.u will love it so much.come to me and have fun toghter
Ain't gonna waste my time.
Absolutely no reply to slugs.
Delete without hesitation.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Potong Stim
Last saturday it was Passion again.
But I brought my cousin along :D
Didn't know it was such fun to dance with a relative and I was amused by those men hungered after her. Especially when one of the peeps asked for her number discreetly. Oh yeah it has to be discreet because I will crush them to pops if any of them lays a finger on her. Especially from those PEEPS.
Reached home in the morning and both of us started to get really itchy. We were fiddling on the sofa for eternity before he got up to switch off the lights, close the curtains while I cleared the cushions for wider space. That was when I saw gold.
Tiger shat on my RM$2500 sofa.
Half a dozen brownies were lying comfortably behind the cushion, waiting to be hatched.
We just stared at the spot, motionless.
Our raunchy moment came to a cruel halt.
He picked them up with plastic bag while I sanitized the area with trusty FeBreeze. Wiped the area, dumped the cushions, washed our hands and gave some harsh words to the culprit.
Nonetheless, we still decided to carry on with our kinky project. I climbed on top of him and began to undress with great deliberation. With a wild look I started to -censored-censored-censored-
...
I only want to emphasize the painful truth of having pets in couplehood.
Last saturday it was Passion again.
But I brought my cousin along :D
Didn't know it was such fun to dance with a relative and I was amused by those men hungered after her. Especially when one of the peeps asked for her number discreetly. Oh yeah it has to be discreet because I will crush them to pops if any of them lays a finger on her. Especially from those PEEPS.
Reached home in the morning and both of us started to get really itchy. We were fiddling on the sofa for eternity before he got up to switch off the lights, close the curtains while I cleared the cushions for wider space. That was when I saw gold.
Tiger shat on my RM$2500 sofa.
Half a dozen brownies were lying comfortably behind the cushion, waiting to be hatched.
We just stared at the spot, motionless.
Our raunchy moment came to a cruel halt.
He picked them up with plastic bag while I sanitized the area with trusty FeBreeze. Wiped the area, dumped the cushions, washed our hands and gave some harsh words to the culprit.
Nonetheless, we still decided to carry on with our kinky project. I climbed on top of him and began to undress with great deliberation. With a wild look I started to -censored-censored-censored-
...
I only want to emphasize the painful truth of having pets in couplehood.
Friday, September 23, 2005
Apa?
I was telling my galfriend about malay language.
Bahasa Melayu, to be politically correct.
It has always been an amusing lesson. I can't run my tongue from 1 to 10 and my pronounciation sucks.
Below are two incidents that made me remember the specific words by hard.
[Scene 1: Instant Messaging With Colleague]
Ms Quirk: Hey, how shall I tell the user that this can't be done?
Thomas: Just escalate it to Helpdesk. They will know what to do.
Ms Quirk: Oh okie! Kasih.
(no reply for 5 minutes)
Thomas: Yes lover.
(stunned for 30 seconds)
Ms Quirk: Huh? Haha, lover your head.
Thomas: You know kasih means lover, right?
(still blur like hippo)
Ms Quirk: Err, is it? I thought it's a short form for terima kasih?
Thomas: Haha, there's no short form for that la.
(wide-eyed and embarrassed)
Ms Quirk: Arh, okie. Err.. haha. Right right. Ahem.
[Scene 2: Mamak - Supper Time]
Ah Neh: Boss, minum?
(few of them ordered with smooth melayu slang)
Ms Quirk: Limau panas, gurang manis.
(feeling proud of my newly acquired malay words)
Ah Neh: Makan?
Ms Quirk: I want maggie goreng - besar, and telur kerbau.
(then lighted up a cig and crossed my leg, sense of sophistication)
Cliff: A'bang, mata kerbau satu.
(he pointed me to ah neh while the rest broke into guffaws)
(me, with ocean deep's quizzical look)
Ms Quirk: What la?
Cliff: telur kerbau, when translated, means cow's balls. Understand?
(Uh-oh, I did it again. In front of my colleagues)
Ms Quirk: But mata kerbau will mean sun's balls then. That's not right!
(furiously trying to win back my pride)
Cliff: But ah nehs understand it as sunny-side up, so speak properly next time.
Ms Quirk: ....
(dropped the cig and looked elsewhere)
By the way, limau panas is directly translated as hot manners in mandarin.
And that's my favourite drink.
I was telling my galfriend about malay language.
Bahasa Melayu, to be politically correct.
It has always been an amusing lesson. I can't run my tongue from 1 to 10 and my pronounciation sucks.
Below are two incidents that made me remember the specific words by hard.
[Scene 1: Instant Messaging With Colleague]
Ms Quirk: Hey, how shall I tell the user that this can't be done?
Thomas: Just escalate it to Helpdesk. They will know what to do.
Ms Quirk: Oh okie! Kasih.
(no reply for 5 minutes)
Thomas: Yes lover.
(stunned for 30 seconds)
Ms Quirk: Huh? Haha, lover your head.
Thomas: You know kasih means lover, right?
(still blur like hippo)
Ms Quirk: Err, is it? I thought it's a short form for terima kasih?
Thomas: Haha, there's no short form for that la.
(wide-eyed and embarrassed)
Ms Quirk: Arh, okie. Err.. haha. Right right. Ahem.
[Scene 2: Mamak - Supper Time]
Ah Neh: Boss, minum?
(few of them ordered with smooth melayu slang)
Ms Quirk: Limau panas, gurang manis.
(feeling proud of my newly acquired malay words)
Ah Neh: Makan?
Ms Quirk: I want maggie goreng - besar, and telur kerbau.
(then lighted up a cig and crossed my leg, sense of sophistication)
Cliff: A'bang, mata kerbau satu.
(he pointed me to ah neh while the rest broke into guffaws)
(me, with ocean deep's quizzical look)
Ms Quirk: What la?
Cliff: telur kerbau, when translated, means cow's balls. Understand?
(Uh-oh, I did it again. In front of my colleagues)
Ms Quirk: But mata kerbau will mean sun's balls then. That's not right!
(furiously trying to win back my pride)
Cliff: But ah nehs understand it as sunny-side up, so speak properly next time.
Ms Quirk: ....
(dropped the cig and looked elsewhere)
By the way, limau panas is directly translated as hot manners in mandarin.
And that's my favourite drink.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
BROKEN WINGS
Just got news : Cliff's friends have often joked that I'm tying him down.
His reaction? - Silence.
Not that I expect him to defend, but the real question is WHY IS THERE SUCH A JOKE AND WHY HAS IT BECOME A FREQUENT TOPIC?
I learnt that expectations can make and break a life. Even in relationships, I'm still learning how to let go on issues that are in binds.
I hate to explain myself in order to clear my name, because almost everything can be judged as subjectical perception.
I took some time to reflect...
no, I am not restricting him to anything.
It all boils down to daily routine, isn't it?
Look, I dun have a car - not even a valid local driving licence.
Thus he has to fetch and send me to and fro, 5 days per week.
My friends live in Singapore and I did not manage to hook up with anyone who can always go out with me. Maybe not yet. So I have to hang out with him and sometimes with his friends.
Does anyone know that I'm living under the identity of 'his girlfriend' rather than my individuality? Does anyone understand how lost I feel?
Enough of my ramblings, it just doesn't serve any purpose.
I do not want him to become the butt of losers' jokes, so I shall begin to do things on my own - as much as I can.
Mercy.
Just got news : Cliff's friends have often joked that I'm tying him down.
His reaction? - Silence.
Not that I expect him to defend, but the real question is WHY IS THERE SUCH A JOKE AND WHY HAS IT BECOME A FREQUENT TOPIC?
I learnt that expectations can make and break a life. Even in relationships, I'm still learning how to let go on issues that are in binds.
I hate to explain myself in order to clear my name, because almost everything can be judged as subjectical perception.
I took some time to reflect...
no, I am not restricting him to anything.
It all boils down to daily routine, isn't it?
Look, I dun have a car - not even a valid local driving licence.
Thus he has to fetch and send me to and fro, 5 days per week.
My friends live in Singapore and I did not manage to hook up with anyone who can always go out with me. Maybe not yet. So I have to hang out with him and sometimes with his friends.
Does anyone know that I'm living under the identity of 'his girlfriend' rather than my individuality? Does anyone understand how lost I feel?
Enough of my ramblings, it just doesn't serve any purpose.
I do not want him to become the butt of losers' jokes, so I shall begin to do things on my own - as much as I can.
Mercy.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
DISMEMBERED
Alright peeps, here's one of the photos taken during company's dinner and dance. This particular photo is the only one that I looked slightly 'better'.
Sigh.
In fact I scowled at every photos!
I looked like cowdung. Dunno what was wrong with my eyes, so retarded!
My hair - centered parting... damn butchie!
And my blush, WRONGLY PLACED!
wtf wtf.
Now you get to see my top.. man, I used the whole box of TopShop double-sided tapes just to cover all the loops and holes.
Yeah yeah yeah, if only I'm well-endowed to have full B cups.
IF ONLY, okay?!
I refuse to display another photo that showed my sandals. I REFUSE.
It's so humiliating!!
Oh sharddup, people!
BLEAH!
(recently discovered blogger has finally allowed us to post pictures with a click of an icon. woohoo!)
Alright peeps, here's one of the photos taken during company's dinner and dance. This particular photo is the only one that I looked slightly 'better'.
Sigh.
In fact I scowled at every photos!
I looked like cowdung. Dunno what was wrong with my eyes, so retarded!
My hair - centered parting... damn butchie!
And my blush, WRONGLY PLACED!
wtf wtf.
Now you get to see my top.. man, I used the whole box of TopShop double-sided tapes just to cover all the loops and holes.
Yeah yeah yeah, if only I'm well-endowed to have full B cups.
IF ONLY, okay?!
I refuse to display another photo that showed my sandals. I REFUSE.
It's so humiliating!!
Oh sharddup, people!
BLEAH!
(recently discovered blogger has finally allowed us to post pictures with a click of an icon. woohoo!)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)