I, PENDULUM

Let me tell you how well I have been faring during the past few days, when I'm on the PILLS. It slows the flow, I dun see any reddy except some brownie. But my mood swings are getting worse! It swings like an active pendulum, I can be feeling positive like an innocent red riding hood but the next moment (in a matter of hours) I will start to doubt anything that I have decided on. Not only that, my appetite opens up. Yesterday, I had a big plate of rice topped with so much meat and vege that only a hungry construction worker would eat. And I finished it! For dinner, I had chicken baked rice with chef's salad. Was feeling full...but upon reaching home, I gobbled half of a blueberry bun with relish. Terrible huh! This afternoon I woke up and the first thing on my mind was, "what shall i eat later?" GOODNESS GRACIOUS ME.
To top up with all the above, I had lost my voice. I have sorethroat since last week and completely lost my speech yesterday. Now I can't speak in proper sentences without any off-key pitches. My broken voice sounds funny, coarse and rough. My sister commented over the phone in a nice way though, "you sound so sexy." DuUuuh.

Anyway, for updates, I did not go to any night spots on Saturday and stayed at home for the whole of today. Cleaned my room, did some filing for sisters and changed my bedsheets (which had been used for over 6 months). A clean environment, made me satisfied and happy with myself. Was alone for the whole day and felt so pleased. Starting to feel positive over my new business venture even though Joyce rejected to take part in it. But out of nowhere, immediately after dinner, I began to panic. Worried that I won't be able to get any downlines and my capital will be wasted. The fear of spending over such venture which not many people is passionate about made me feel stupid and foolish. So to get myself up again, I applied some jobs online and at the same time, chatted with Karan. Told her that I'm a little disheartened over the rejection and didn't feel positive in accomplishing the results in the venture. She shot back, "so you gonna back out is it?" - three times, and I felt frustrated. We argued, almost quarrelled but this sweet angel started to knock back my blocked senses. She typed all the sentences and I felt bad. Sheesh, the pills are making me so devilish, so negative and, so explosive. Luckily, we managed to resolve our displeasures and I let her in my reason for being so negative. And she's a sweet angel because she understands. Oh man, how could I be so rude to her just now!
I'm still not feeling 100% positive right now. But I should start building some self-confidence over this venture. Like she said, "never try, never know". I am never a high-risk taker but since the capital is low, I might as well try. And I want to earn extra income. If I still cannot make it after trying, at least I won't join another similar venture next time.

Aggy, stay positive! Fight against the side effects! Money can earn back! Experience should be gained! Dun be afraid! Dun let The Other affect you!
I have to motivate myself in this way. And I really hope..really really hope.. my belief in this venture won't go wrong.

Mercie.